:-/

31 march 2008


Sometime past midnight, I had gone out to the balcony for some fresh air, and to "run interference".

I don't know about the fresh air, but I did succeed in distracting the two at the balcony - after I uploaded an unholy cocktail of wine, champagne and whiskey (bloody whiskey).

For the next hour or two, I kept the interrupted ones (and SF) busy enough - cleaning up after me (urrrgh - me; URRRGH - SF); hauling me into the toilet (twice) to avoid more collateral damage; urging me to purge all the alcohol (bloody whiskey) out of my system; getting my hair washed by A, who was also high, and started to remove my top (and bra?! WTF....) even as she kept yammering over my dripping and spinning head (bloody whiskey) about a lost love who had since married someone else (which was probably why I - according to SF since I don't remember this bit - started mewling weakly: "SF... SF..."); SF coming to my rescue and quickly putting my bra back on and trying not to look, while resisting the urge to stuff my top down A's throat so she would stop yammering, and all this in between scrubbing down the bathroom and re-washing the host's soiled clothes which had been left to dry in the bathtub (the bathroom actually ended up cleaner than when I got in!); A then trying to get me into the living room to lie down on the sofa (and puke on the host's nice furniture and carpet?! I don't think so!); SF finding herself stuck in the bathroom with two drunks (and another outside knocking on the door every few seconds to ask how I was) and repeating over and over again, through several deep breaths and gritted teeth that I should be sent home ASAP....

SF managed to get me home in the end - and not pass out in the meantime from the smell (ZOMG, I'm so sorry!!!) - braving my rabid Jack Russell at the door no less.

The morning-after hangover went away pretty quickly. SF, in spite of having only a few hours of sleep, even met me for breakfast and a debriefing (thankfully not the sort from the previous night).

Anyway.

No, I didn't see it coming, even after the first time. I guess I didn't think I had that much to drink on Saturday night. Obviously, the flesh disagreed with the spirit (ha-ha; bloody whiskey).

So now I owe The Long Suffering Best Friend, who really had her hands full with my birthday this year (and all this in between her own "im-balancing act"), a very, very nice meal.

In the meantime, I promise to be my usual well-behaved self on Thursday night. Whimper.

Now, if you'll excuse me while I go back to digging myself a deeper hole in the ground....




:-)

27 march 2008



Once again, The Best Friend (that's why she's The Best) got everything very nicely put together. And all this, in spite of hitting the ground running just after Shanghai, a crazy-hectic work week and finding herself double-booked tonight.

So, I didn't find myself having to figure out what to do with another Nano. I had fried my iPod - also a birthday gift - late last year when I got caught in a sudden downpour (the iPod was hanging outside my bag), but got a replacement just a month ago.

The friends were not so much inconvenienced by the last minute change of plans than miffed. You see, the plan had been to get me the red Nano and then engrave it thus:

"THIS IS NOT WATERPROOF."

Ha. Ha. Very funny, people :-P

So, thank you all, again. And hugz The Stapler, again.

Hmmm. Funny The Best Friend and I didn't - wait, never - hug. I guess that would be.... just too gay. Heh.

(Though not as 'funny' as J asking for a hug - because he "hasn't seen me for so long"??? Okayyy.... as long as this doesn't become a regular feature....)

On another note, there's been "progress". He finally surfaced, with birthday greetings, and we're now arranging drinks. So there. Don't say I never catch the ball and throw back ok?



Men, women and the secrets of

skin colour


Culled from The New Zealand Herald:

".... Women are attracted to men with darker complexions because these are associated with sex, virility, mystery, villainy and danger.... On average, fair complexions in women are the dominant aesthetic ideal because sexual modesty and conventional femininity are the dominant behavioural ideal for women. However, there also exists an appreciation for a darker complexion in women, though less common, and this less-common aesthetic preference appears to coexist with a view of such women as more overtly sexual. In other words, darker women are seen as more promiscuous."


Hmmm. Really?




What I want

26 march 2008


I don't have to give up my Nano afterall. Yay.

But CirCe refused to get me a nose piercing instead.

"You can't wrap THAT!"

"Yah, well, you just have to be there to watch me get pierced and then pay up when the deed is done."

"NOOOoooOOO!!!"

"Ok lor." (Well, you did ask.)

Anyway, she seems really pleased with Plan C. So I'm sure I would be too :-)




Girlfriends from Hell

25 march 2008


What's it with boys and their bikes, and referring to the latter as My Wife?

And then CirCe and I went for a swim in the gutter, and didn't surface until much later. Heh. Heh. Heh.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


So I got hit by another round of CirCe's abandonment issues during dinner, and I finally told her she was freaking me out in between imagining myriad scenarios of me running away and then berating me for dragging my feet.

Maybe I just might run away afterall!

And I never even whined when I was the one 'left behind'....


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


I think I just caused CirCe to age a few more years when she found out about my latest acquisition.

But I don't suppose it would have made a difference even if I had written about it since she doesn't read my blog these days....

So, erm, does anyone want to acquire a second-hand 8GB Black Nano which has only been in use for a month?




In between

24 march 2008



So I've been writing here (or blogging, whatever you call it) for 10 years now. But I suppose you could say I started even way before that - mostly on paper (the journal), but later, at the online forums (poetry) too.

Too bad the early blog entries between 1998 (or was it 1997?) and 2001 got eaten up when the old server space died a few years ago. And then there were some I deleted (some time after aforementioned incident) in a hasty attempt to disassociate myself with the - my - past. Hmmm.

Oh well.

Incidentally, 28 November 2001 was the earliest entry I managed to retrieve from my back-up.

Which reminds me, it's time to go pick up Volume 8.




Overheard

23 march 2008


"Don't go so fast!"

"Not so hard!"

"You're going to hurt her!"

"Go slower!"


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Please excuse me while my mind takes a swim in the gutter.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


All that was, of course, before her voice led me to the playground next to Macs, where she was leading a group of young kids at some stretching exercises. Heh.




Shanghaied!

22 march 2008


CirCe was lamenting the state of her skin after being in Shanghai for more than a week and how the dry air had aged her by a few years.

"Well, losing your passport, anyone else would have aged too!"

"Only the first 24 hours - after that, the shock wore off!"

Since losing her hangbag handbah HANDBAG!!! (I blame CirCe for infecting me with Bad English after she caught it, serving out time in Shanghai the past week) at The Bund, CirCe has been running around sorting out the necessary paperwork, getting emergency cash (you're da bomb, Citibank! Wish I could say the same about Amex who was not helpful at all), getting some work done in the meantime (which was the purpose of the trip, except she was to have come home more than a week ago) and even some shopping (why waste the time?).

See? That's what age and turning mellow with the rapidly advancing years do to you - your heart can't sustain all that excitement! Laugh!

And indeed, I've been letting a lot of things slide the past several months and just focusing on moving on with the rest of life. Nutcase at work up to her shenanigans again? Quick bark and bite. And let it slide. Assorted creatures at work acting up (grrr!) or resigning (woo-hoo!)? Swing into contingency mode and lots more barking and nipping. And let it slide. Hot guy checks you out on dive trip and then starts rubbing his bare knee against yours under the table? Mmmmmkay. And let it slide. (Major face-palm.) Missed deadlines and The Master is screaming his balls out of his nostrils? (Which didn't even last as long as it usually would - probably because the guy is 4 years older and his heart can take even less excitement than mine, laugh.) Minor cardiac arrest followed by damage control. And let it slide.

Anyway.

CirCe finally got her exit visa yesterday and will be home in a few hours. And I'm off to proffer a "friendly face" (okayyy, my face is not not exactly the world's most friendly one, but beggars - literally, for a while, snicker - can't be choosers, yes?) when the poor girl comes through the arrival gates.

"So sweet!"

Yes, dear, I know. It's what people who know me for the first day all say.

Smirk.




Hit-and-runs

16 march 2008


It has been.... frustrating.

WTF is with the hit-and-runs? I just don't get the alternating between interest and baffling.... about-turns - literally. (Come to think of it, it almost feels like when he was describing feinting and the need for quick reflexes during his games.) And oh, the lack of follow-up after the trip, even after the exchange on FB about returning a favour which I owe him.

So, I thought maybe he just wasn't that interested afterall. And that's ok.

Or maybe he's just shy. But that's a big maybe, considering how things were.

And then, there is the maybe he's just not used to women not throwing themselves at him. So, he's possibly just uncertain if I'm interested too.

When the group finally got to meeting for the postponed dinner last night, I didn't want to have expectations because, well.... I felt the window was long gone, yes?

But he clearly is interested.

And after a very strange conversation (when I found an arm had materialised - which pretty much describes how the other encounters happened too, almost by stealth, heh - around my shoulders, and we were up close and, mmmmm, pleasantly snug against each other) about whether someone was really that bad in bed and if the woman should be doing some of the work too (long story, thanks to Monkey Boy's idea of improvising because CirCe could not be around to be his older-woman-partner-in-scandal), he reminded me about returning the favour ("coffee or beer").

".... call me.... you have my number, right?"

No, he didn't have my number. (Okayyy. Didn't everyone circulate their contact details over email after the trip?!!) So I gave it to him.

Well, the ball is in your court now. And dammit, just call and ask me out already.


PS:
Notwithstanding the frustrating wait, and on the days when I can actually psyche myself into being less insecure and playing it cool (I'm not usually, if ever, like that, really), I can't say I'm not taking more than a little pleasure in letting someone else do the work. (Probably some of it from work-life spilling over, laugh.)

PPS:
Erm, where can I get an RSS feeder?




Outed

12 march 2008


Oh well.

And I was just beginning to enjoy the 10 or so only daily visits (half of which is probably just me).

So now I've to figure out how to use RSS again. And I'm only doing it because it was you who asked. Grumble.


"Closure. That's what we all want."


H dropped off another one just past midnight: "New Amsterdam". Intriguing - the story, that is. I'm into the second episode now, and it's not the most engaging TV series.... but everyone wants closure, no?






No regrets

10 march 2008


"Any regrets? Wouldn't it be better to look forward than back?"

Seriously. You don't need to like, wipe everything from your head in order to move on, you know.

And oh, you might want to take the homicidal fantasies with a pinch of salt. I have such thoughts about a lot of people, a lot of the time.

Seriously.

PS: And oh yeah, no regrets there.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


The Hermit asked if I would be sending in my 500 words for some creative writing competition organised by The Straits Times, who even gave a nice title to help you along - "The Great Escape". Ha. Ha. I guess since the authorities still can't seem to get their act together and explain just how Mas Selamat got his lucky toilet break, we'll just open it up to the public's imagination, no?

Anyway.

NO.

I'm going to be up to my eyes with work the next few weeks, and am in no mood to write creatively - unless it's about MY own great escape from work. Ha. Ha.

And, I think I've lost my touch. Not that I've actually ever won anything before when I had it.

But, if there's one thing (out of a number) that I still harbour regrets about, it's losing the words - to find my voice. I accept that it was a necessary trade-off, but still, I do dream about finding the words.

Someday.

Again.




Remembering Cafe 211

9 march 2008


M asked if I was still in contact with S, and then mentioned that he had bumped into us once at Cafe 211.... a long time ago. It turned out that they were actually classmates for a year, before M got a transfer to NUS. I suppose that was before S discovered online gaming (and I, him) because M remembered him as the studious sort (ha-ha) who always showed up for classes.

He said that he hadn't stopped to chat however, because he thought we looked pretty "intense".

Ah. Yes, things were "intense" indeed. I don't remember much of that night - it was so long ago.... though I do recall the awkward exchange of greetings and M looking over at us several times. I also remember trying to feed S some of my risotto - going through the motions of coupledom just to maintain a semblance of normalcy, both biding our time. I guess I should have just shoved the spoon down his throat.

As I put it to M, I was trying to extract The Ugly Truth from The Ex before deciding whether to throw all 80-something kilos of him over the roof we were "negotiating" that night. It was my way, or the highway.

Several days later, I decided that it would be my way - and it was I who got onto the highway.




Bad words

5 march 2008


I heard Mum alright each time she went on about whether I had started looking for a flat - so that if I, can't find a man who would want to marry a woman, such as I, who obviously is not deserving for whatever reason(s), don't get married in the foreseeable future, then I would at least have my own place. Gee, Mum, thanks for the vote of confidence.

It's not that I never heard Mum before. But the other night, when I actually raised the topic first because I had to sort out some money matters, and she went on about the same old what-ifs, I realised it wasn't so much of her just being kancheong, but that she actually believes I won't be able to get married in the foreseeable future - if at all.

And I snapped.

I told Mum not to say that to me again.

"I do not like hearing things like that."

Why did she always say such discouraging words to me? Did she really think I would not be able to get married?

Mum was indignant. She was only wondering about the what-ifs. Of course she wanted the best for me and to see me get married. I should be less argumentative and stubborn and listen to what she had to say.

"NO. Don't say things like that to me again."

Because you believe in this 'foreseeable future' so strongly, that I am, too, beginning to believe it....

Feel it....

See it....

Hear it....

Smell it....

Touch it....

Live it....


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Now, imagine growing up with all that - these...... bad words - because I did.

New shoes ah? Nice meh??? New clothes ah? Nice meh??? Your boyfriend ah? Nice meh??? *insert new-something or random-acquisition here* *insert Mum's typical response*

And then I realised why I am the way I am about myself; and why I find it so hard to compliment someone.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Over dinner, I asked The Best Friend to marry me - so we could apply for a flat together and move in together......

So much for that - we couldn't agree on who would go for the sex change. (I don't care if your boobs are twice the size of mine! Pfffttt back!!!)

Anyway.

Hometown Restaurant at 25 Smith Street. A W E S O M E. You must, MUST try the fried pig kidney and "kou-2 shui-3 ji-1".




I is L33T!

4 march 2008


Because I went right in, knowing what I had to do (unruffle some feathers, major ego-stroking and subtle nudging), and I got what I wanted, and then more, to my very pleasant surprise and someone's near-orgasmic delight. So, a shopping trip is coming up and (half) a gift promised. I l33t anot? Preen. (Now if only I can figure out how to manifest more consistently for myself, instead of going over the what-ifs and couldas wouldas shouldas.)

I think if I ever do decide to throw in the towel (and some chairs and tables and live humans) at this place, I'll go work for the zoo and become a monkey trainer.




Why your shirts shouldn't be tucked into

your briefs

3 march 2008


Because when you tuck your shirt into your briefs, and your jeans sit lower on your waist than those white-briefs-with-tiny-blue-square-prints do, your fellow commuters on the train will get sore eyes, yah?

PS: It's been a shitty Monday... I think I'll just continue bending over until the weekend comes by. Yeppp.




Atonement

2 march 2008



"So, my sister and Robbie were never able to have the time together they both so longed for... and deserved. Which ever since I've... ever since I've always felt I prevented. But what sense of hope or satisfaction could a reader derive from an ending like that? So in the book, I wanted to give Robbie and Cecilia what they lost out on in life. I'd like to think this isn't weakness or... evasion... but a final act of kindness. I gave them their happiness.

~ Briony Tallis in Atonement


In reply to The Zapped One who wanted to know which was my favourite part of the movie, this is it - The Story that was never meant to be, immortalised in words (I didn't see that coming) - even as the older Briony Tallis revealed in a talk show that this was the last book she would be writing because she was dying from vascular dementia. There's something so sadly ironic in how it all began in a little girl's head and years later, she finds herself back in the same place.




Sacrifice

1 march 2008


Yes, when there's work that needs to be done, some sacrifices just have to be made.

But I also know that the work to be done cannot reasonably be done by just one person. The Masters would just have to live with either (1) more deliverables with less than optimal results, or (2) fewer deliverables but better outcomes. Work principles aside, I'm just not willing to hole myself up in the office until 10 pm (if not midnight) the whole work week to see to the completion of deliverables, with optimal outcomes.

Not at the current remuneration. (Everyone has a price, yes?)

Not when I know what has to be done, and I know how it can be done, and I know it CAN be done. (It won't be easy but when were these things ever easy, yes?)

If only.

If only I didn't have to keep looking over my shoulder ever so often - whenever I can't hear the other's increasingly sluggish shuffles. And I stay my quickening strides, and turn back to share the burden.

So much for "minding my own business".


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


I've been trying to work on my finances and talking to a few people about property purchase.

I remarked to SF that perhaps I should kill off The Albatross and take her pay. Since it looks like I'm steadily having to do her work as well, you know. It would certainly put my finances in a healthier state. Nevermind if I have to work until 10 pm (not midnight!!!) a few times a week (not the whole work week!!!) I don't mind the work per se, really. It's only work afterall, and you don't quibble these little extra things when you reach a certain level in the hierarchy. But not when it's impacting my own deliverables now.

Afterall, some sacrifices just have to be made.

I'm kidding of course - about The Albatross.

Don't go thinking evil thoughts about me now.



I'm a lovable parasite. Hehe!


LOOK UP YOUR BIRTHDAY AND SEE WHAT YOU ARE:


Jan 01 - 09 ~ Ass
Jan 10 - 24 ~ Slug
Jan 25 - 31 ~ Cockroach
Feb 01 - 05 ~ Parasite
Feb 06 - 14 ~ Bullfrog
Feb 15 - 21 ~ Skunk
Feb 22 - 28 ~ Snake
Mar 01 - 12 ~ Ape
Mar 13 - 15 ~ Cockroach
Mar 16 - 23 ~ Slug
Mar 24 - 31 ~ Parasite
Apr 01 - 03 ~ Ass
Apr 04 - 14 ~ Snake
Apr 15 - 26 ~ Slug
Apr 27 - 30 ~ Skunk
May 01 - 13 ~ Slug
May 14 - 21 ~ Bullfrog
May 22 - 31 ~ Cockroach
Jun 01 - 03 ~ Slug
Jun 04 - 14 ~ Skunk
Jun 15 - 20 ~ Ass
Jun 21 - 24 ~ Ape
Jun 25 - 30 ~ Parasite
Jul 01 - 09 ~ Slug
Jul 10 - 15 ~ Ass
Jul 16 - 26 ~ Bullfrog
Jul 27 - 31 ~ Parasite
Aug 01 - 15 ~ Ape
Aug 16 - 25 ~ Slug
Aug 26 - 31 ~ Skunk
Sep 01 - 14 ~ Bullfrog
Sep 15 - 27 ~ Parasite
Sep 28 - 30 ~ Ass
Oct 01 - 15 ~ Ape
Oct 16 - 27 ~ Skunk
Oct 28 - 31 ~ Snake
Nov 01 - 16 ~ Cockroach
Nov 17 - 30 ~ Parasite
Dec 01 - 16 ~ Ass
Dec 17 - 25 ~ Ape
Dec 26 - 31 ~ Bullfrog


If you are an ASS: A very loyal and sweet person. Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble and down-to-earth!! That explains the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed. Popular and easy-going. You have a little group of dignified friends, all of them being quality-personified.

If you are a SLUG: Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-together's. However, you are sensitive which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!

If you are a COCKCROACH: Quite contradictory to your name, you are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation wherein you are required to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at one place for a long duration. You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive work from people. You love being loved, and when you receive your share of limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!! Well, well... hence some people could even take an advantage, flatter you to the maximum and get their work done. So be careful...

If you are a PARASITE: An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.

If you are a SKUNK: You are near to perfect and nice at heart. The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people. You too, love peace. You wouldn't like to retaliate even to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one's back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what the best trait of you guys remains.

If you are a BULLFROG: You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware; it is easy for you to fall in love...

If you are a SNAKE: You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.

If you are an APE: Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quickly as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique..You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!!